Light weight project tracking system

Agile Patterns
Agile concepts, Nomenclature
@[http://www.dummies.com/how-to/content/agile-project-management-for-dummies-cheat-sheet.html]
@[ttp://www.agilemanifesto.org]
@[http://www.scrummanager.net/files/sm_proyecto.pdf]
@[http://www.jandwyer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/Lean-Primer-Article.pdf]
@[https://www.infoq.com/minibooks/scrum-xp-from-the-trenches-2]
@[http://www.scrumprimer.org/]
@[https://www.infoq.com/minibooks/kanban-scrum-minibook]
@[http://leankanban.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Essential-Kanban-Condensed.pdf]

- Projects takes too much (1 year taking requirements, 10 months
  developing,...)

- Agile applies to project, people relationships,...
  prioritization of tasks, ...  better visibility,
  better prioritization, less downtime between tasks,
  Improved teamwork

- What's a task:
  A case study / promo-video / market-research /... ? NO. Too long.
  A task in agile is something that takes more than 30 minutes and less 
  than 3 days.

- How to estimate the time?
  Estimating is hard.
  Use story points (vs hours):
      1, 2, 4, 8, 16, 32, 48
      This could map (not necesarely) to:
      30min, 1hour, 2hours, 4hours, 1day, 2days, 3days.

SCRUM vs KANBAN: 
  Both are subsets of Agile.
  SCRUM targets dead-lines. (fixed dates)
   * Releases are more important that "what's in".
   * Delay release or drop feature?
   * Uses a PLAN MODE

  Kanban:
   * Service team. new tickets  always coming in.
   * Prioritizing the tickets (tasks) and doing in the right order
     is more important than how many are done in a week.
   * No Plan mode, no Sprints. 
     PLAN MODE:
   * Do NOT uses a PLAN MODE
MoSCoW Task Prioritization
  MoSCoW method  is  one  of  the  most  used  prioritization  
techniques  in  the  project  management  and software development 
and for this reason it was selected in the current deliverable. 

  Its primary role is to define a common baseline with partners on how 
they evaluate (e.g. most important/important/least important/etc.) 
each defined requirement. 

The acronym, MoSCoW, stands for 4 categories of prioritizations:
• "Must  have" requirements are considered vital/critical for the partner in order 
  to obtain a successful  outcome.  As  a  result,  these  are  
  considered  non-negotiable  and  mandatory. Furthermore,  any 
  solution delivered without a requirement tagged as a must is not 
  considered viable.  If a workaround can be found for a requirement, 
  then this is not considered as “Musthave”. 

• "Should have" requirements:
  This  type comprises   all requirements that are not considered vital 
  but are important for the partner. The solution is considered viable 
  even if the requirement is not met. A workaround can be employed and 
  the solution will remain viable.

• "Could have" :
  contains all the  desired  features  that  could improve  the  
  functionality/work  experience  of the  solution  but  do  not  
  affect  the  result.  These  requirements have a minimum impact on 
  the end goal and are usually firstly removed in case of limited 
  timeframes.  

• "Won’t have" : (this time)
  requirements that are not needed at the current time or which do not 
  bring any addition to the value of the desired solution. Such 
  requirements do not have priority at the current moment of time. 

BºAccording  to  literature,  this prioritization  method  is        º
Bºefficient  and  offers  better  results  when  compared  to simplerº
Bºprioritizations approaches like high/medium/low prioritization or  º
Bºsequential prioritization.                                         º
Document Classification
- Next generic categorization can be use to label content in CMS
 (See section in Confluence), JIRA, Git/Git-Commits, email and of ours in
 single page book projects.

  CLASSIFICATION   labels ("Coordinates in dimension)                         
  DIMMENSION                                                                  

  Generic          gen.TODO
                   gen.important

  - soft_arch:     soft_arch.AAA
                   soft_arch.API
                   soft_arch.secrets
                   soft_arch.performance
                   soft_arch.scalability
                   soft_arch.standards
                   soft_arch.security
                   soft_arch.devops
                   soft_arch.infrastructure.
    
  
  QA) qa.unitests , qa.functionalTests, qa.IntegrationTest

  Life─cycle      0) Governance
                  1) planing        
                  2) Tools          
                  3) documentation  
                  4) development     
                  5) debugging      
                  6) deployment                            
                  7) monitorization                        
                  8) ticketing
                  9) deprecation                           
                 10) close
                 11) alerting

  Environment     DEV, INT, ACC/PRE, PRO                                          

  Component       component1, 2,...

  Service          diploma , notarization , essif                              
  (Solution/Product)

  Tool            Jira, SonarQube, Jenkins, npm, swagger, ...                 


  documentType:  dataflow, deliverable, analysis,
                 functional, must-read, tutorial, dataflow, configuration, procedure, 
                 minutes, reference,  comparative, code_snippet,
                 software, news, report,  trace(log), code, apendix, diagram
                 template, draft, 
                 meeting.input, meeting.output
                 Others: ( budget, gant, ...)                                
                 diagram     : functional,component,deployment,activity,use_case

   audience   : (what-roll this-document is intended for) developer, stackholder, ...
   Roll       : (What roll is related to this document) PROGRAMADOR, ANALISTA, ... ?

  Programming : javascript, typescript, ruby, shell, ...                    
  Language                                                                    

  difficulty  : level0 → ... → level10                                      
                (Reader-expected-expertise)

  Intended    :   developer, business_analist, operator, stackholder, ...     
  audience

  Lecture Time:   7min → 15min → 30min → 1h → 4h → 1d → 1w → 1m               

  PM            - PM.stackholder
 (Project       - PM.funding
  Management):  - PM.planning
                - PM.estimate
                - PM.TODO
                - PM.TODO.DEADLINE
                - PM.DONE
                - PM.sprint
                - PM.WorkPackage
                - PM.urgent
                - PM.blocking
                - PM.task
                - PM.task.state
                  → PM.task.state.backlog
                  → PM.task.state.in_progess
                   → PM.task.state.review
                    → PM.task.state.aproved
                     → PM.task.state.published     (doc related)
                      → PM.task.state.closed
                      → PM.task.state.deprecated   (doc related, Outdated/Deprecated/Replaced)

  HHRR (Human Resources)
  - HHRR.expenses
  - HHRR.Teleworking
  - HHRR.timelabor
  - HHRR.TimeLavor
  - HHRR.travel
  - HHRR.who_is_how
  - HHRR.WhoIsWho
  - HHRR.bill
  - HHRR.delivery_note

                      ┌─────────┬───────────┬──────────┬───────────────────────────┐
                      │e-mail   │ Contact   │ Pending  │Notes                      │
                      │         │ phone     │ Holidays │                           │
 ┌────────────────────┼─────────┼───────────┼──────────┼───────────────────────────┤
 │          Mark Twain│   X     │           │    10    │• bla bla bla              │
 │                    │         │           │          │                           │
 ├────────────────────┼─────────┼───────────┼──────────┼───────────────────────────┤
 │     Charles Dickens│         │    X      │    10    │• bla bla bla              │
 ├────────────────────┼─────────┼───────────┼──────────┼───────────────────────────┤
 │ Willian Shakespeare│         │           │    21    │• bla bla bla              │
 ├────────────────────┼─────────┼───────────┼──────────┼───────────────────────────┤
 │      Rene Descartes│         │           │     5    │• He has doubts about his  │
 │                    │         │           │          │  pending holidays.        │
 ├────────────────────┼─────────┼───────────┼──────────┼───────────────────────────┤
 │      J.R.R. Tolkien│         │           │     0    │• bla bla bla              │
 │                    │         │           │          │                           │
 └────────────────────┴─────────┴───────────┴──────────┴───────────────────────────┘

Internal Bookmarks
• @[#myFavoriteTask]
Acronyms
• WP  : Work package
• HHRR: Human Resources

HHRR
        ┌─────────┬───────────┬────────────┬───────────┬──────────┐
        │  Mark   │  Charles  │  Willian   │ Rene      │ J. R. R. │
        │  Twain  │  Dickens  │ Shakespeare│ Descartes │ Tolkien  │
 ┌──────┼─────────┼───────────┼────────────┼───────────┼──────────┤
 │ WP 1 │   X     │           │     X      │    X      │          │
 ├──────┼─────────┼───────────┼────────────┼───────────┼──────────┤
 │ WP 2 │         │    X      │     X      │    X      │          │
 ├──────┼─────────┼───────────┼────────────┼───────────┼──────────┤
 │ WP 3 │         │           │            │    X      │    X     │
 ├──────┼─────────┼───────────┼────────────┼───────────┼──────────┤
 │ WP 4 │         │           │     X      │    X      │    X     │
 └──────┴─────────┴───────────┴────────────┴───────────┴──────────┘

Internal Bookmarks
• @[#myFavoriteTask]
  Calendar
Generated with standard Unix/Linux comand:
$ºcal -yº
                           Gº2020º                                 ←···· Let's forget this Year
       January               February                 March           
 do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
           1  2  3  4                     1   1  2  3  4  5  6  7  ←···· Virus is here
  5  6  7  8  9 10 11   2  3  4  5  6  7  8   8  9 10 11 12 13 14  
 12 13 14 15 16 17 18   9 10 11 12 13 14 15  15 16 17 18 19 20 21  
 19 20 21 22 23 24 25  16 17 18 19 20 21 22  22 23 24 25 26 27 28  
 26 27 28 29 30 31     23 24 25 26 27 28 29  29 30 31              
                                                                   
       April                 May                     June
 do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  ←···· Virus continues here
           1  2  3  4                  1  2      1  2  3  4  5  6  
  5  6  7  8  9 10 11   3  4  5  6  7  8  9   7  8  9 10 11 12 13  
 12 13 14 15 16 17 18  10 11 12 13 14 15 16  14 15 16 17 18 19 20  
 19 20 21 22 23 24 25  17 18 19 20 21 22 23  21 22 23 24 25 26 27  
 26 27 28 29 30        24 25 26 27 28 29 30  28 29 30              
                       31                                          
        July                  August                September  
 do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  ←···· No new about virus 
           1  2  3  4                     1         1  2  3  4  5  
  5  6  7  8  9 10 11   2  3  4  5  6  7  8   6  7  8  9 10 11 12  
 12 13 14 15 16 17 18   9 10 11 12 13 14 15  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  
 19 20 21 22 23 24 25  16 17 18 19 20 21 22  20 21 22 23 24 25 26  
 26 27 28 29 30 31     23 24 25 26 27 28 29  27 28 29 30           
                       30 31                                       
       October               November               December     
 do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
              1  2  3   1  2  3  4  5  6  7         1  2  3  4  5  
  4  5  6  7  8  9 10   8  9 10 11 12 13 14   6  7  8  9 10 11 12  
 11 12 13 14 15 16 17  15 16 17 18 19 20 21  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  
 18 19 20 21 22 23 24  22 23 24 25 26 27 28  20 21 22 23 24 25 26  
 25 26 27 28 29 30 31  29 30                 27 28 29 30 31              
                                                                     
──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
                                                                     
                            2021
       Enero                Febrero                Marzo             
do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
                1  2      1  2  3  4  5  6      1  2  3  4  5  6  
 3  4  5 º6º 7  8  9   7  8  9 10 11 12 13   7  8  9 10 11 12º13º ←---- Sprint 23 Deadline: More info at:
10 11 12 13 14 15 16  14 15 16 17 18 19 20  14 15 16 17 18 19 20      @[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2021_United_States_Capitol_attack] 
17 18 19 20 21 22 23  21 22 23 24 25 26 27  21 22 23 24 25 26 27  
24 25 26 27 28 29 30  28                    28 29 30 31           
31                                                                

       Abril                  Mayo                 Junio          
do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
             1  2  3                     1         1 º2º 3  4  5  
 4  5  6  7 º8º 9 10   2  3  4  5  6  7  8   6  7  8  9 10 11 12  ←--- Sprint 24 Deadline. 
11 12 13 14 15 16 17   9 10 11 12 13 14 15  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  
18 19 20 21 22 23 24  16 17 18 19 20 21 22  20 21 22 23 24 25º26º ←··· Bla bla bla ...
25 26 27 28 29 30     23 24 25 26 27 28 29  27 28 29 30           
                      30 31                                       

       Julio                 Agosto              Septiembre       
do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
             1  2  3   1  2  3  4  5  6  7            1  2  3  4  
 4  5  6  7  8  9 10   8 º9º10 11 12 13 14   5  6  7  8  9 10 11  ←--- Sprint 25 Now you are Dead!!!!
11 12 13 14 15 16 17  15 16 17 18 19 20 21  12 13 14 15 16 17 18  
18 19 20 21 22 23 24  22 23 24 25 26 27 28  19 20 21 22 23 24 25  
25 26 27 28 29 30 31  29 30 31              26 27 28 29 30        
                                                                  

      Octubre              Noviembre             Diciembre        
do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  do lu ma mi ju vi sá  
                1  2      1  2  3  4  5  6            1  2  3  4  
 3  4  5  6  7  8  9   7  8  9 10 11 12 13   5  6  7  8  9 10 11 ←···· 
10 11 12 13 14 15 16  14 15 16 17 18 19 20  12 13 14 15 16 17 18  
17 18 19 20 21 22 23  21 22 23 24 25 26 27  19 20 21 22 23 24 25  
24 25 26 27 28 29 30  28 29 30              26 27 28 29 30 31     
31                                                                
                                                                     
──────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────────
                            2022
      January               February               March          
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  
                   1         1  2  3  4  5         1  2  3  4  5  
 2  3  4  5  6  7  8   6  7  8  9 10 11 12   6  7  8  9 10 11 12  
 9 10 11 12 13 14 15  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  
16 17 18 19 20 21 22  20 21 22 23 24 25 26  20 21 22 23 24 25 26  
23 24 25 26 27 28 29  27 28                 27 28 29 30 31        
30 31                                                             

       April                  May                   June          
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  
                1  2   1  2  3  4  5  6  7            1  2  3  4  
 3  4  5  6  7  8  9   8  9 10 11 12 13 14   5  6  7  8  9 10 11  
10 11 12 13 14 15 16  15 16 17 18 19 20 21  12 13 14 15 16 17 18  
17 18 19 20 21 22 23  22 23 24 25 26 27 28  19 20 21 22 23 24 25  
24 25 26 27 28 29 30  29 30 31              26 27 28 29 30        
                                                                  

        July                 August              September        
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  
                1  2      1  2  3  4  5  6               1  2  3  
 3  4  5  6  7  8  9   7  8  9 10 11 12 13   4  5  6  7  8  9 10  
10 11 12 13 14 15 16  14 15 16 17 18 19 20  11 12 13 14 15 16 17  
17 18 19 20 21 22 23  21 22 23 24 25 26 27  18 19 20 21 22 23 24  
24 25 26 27 28 29 30  28 29 30 31           25 26 27 28 29 30     
31                                                                

      October               November              December        
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa  
                   1         1  2  3  4  5               1  2  3  
 2  3  4  5  6  7  8   6  7  8  9 10 11 12   4  5  6  7  8  9 10  
 9 10 11 12 13 14 15  13 14 15 16 17 18 19  11 12 13 14 15 16 17  
16 17 18 19 20 21 22  20 21 22 23 24 25 26  18 19 20 21 22 23 24  
23 24 25 26 27 28 29  27 28 29 30           25 26 27 28 29 30 31  
30 31                                                             
                                                                     
Current month
Generated with standard Unix/Linux comand:
$ºcal -y -mº
          2019                               
        February        
  Mo  Tu  We  Th  Fr  Sa  Su  
                   1   2   3  
   4   5*  6   7   8   9  10  
  11  12  13* 14  15  16  17  
  18  19  20  21  22  23  24  
  25  26  27* 28              
                                             
*5: Meeting .....
*13: Meeting .....
*27: Meeting .....
                                            
All my Contacts
 Contact10  +01123123123  Contact20  +01123123123  Contact30  +01123123123         Contact10  +01123123123  Contact20  +01123123123  Contact30  +01123123123
 Contact11  +01123123123  Contact21  +01123123123  Contact31  +01123123123         Contact11  +01123123123  Contact21  +01123123123  Contact31  +01123123123
 Contact12  +01123123123  Contact22  +01123123123  Contact32  +01123123123         Contact12  +01123123123  Contact22  +01123123123  Contact32  +01123123123
 Contact13  +01123123123  Contact23  +01123123123  Contact33  +01123123123         Contact13  +01123123123  Contact23  +01123123123  Contact33  +01123123123
 Contact14  +01123123123  Contact24  +01123123123  Contact34  +01123123123         Contact14  +01123123123  Contact24  +01123123123  Contact34  +01123123123
 Contact15  +01123123123  Contact25  +01123123123  Contact35  +01123123123         Contact15  +01123123123  Contact25  +01123123123  Contact35  +01123123123
 Contact16  +01123123123  Contact26  +01123123123  Contact36  +01123123123         Contact16  +01123123123  Contact26  +01123123123  Contact36  +01123123123
 Contact17  +01123123123  Contact27  +01123123123  Contact37  +01123123123         Contact17  +01123123123  Contact27  +01123123123  Contact37  +01123123123
 Contact18  +01123123123  Contact28  +01123123123  Contact38  +01123123123         Contact18  +01123123123  Contact28  +01123123123  Contact38  +01123123123
 Contact19  +01123123123  Contact29  +01123123123  Contact39  +01123123123         Contact19  +01123123123  Contact29  +01123123123  Contact39  +01123123123


 Contact10  +01123123123  Contact20  +01123123123  Contact30  +01123123123         Contact10  +01123123123  Contact20  +01123123123  Contact30  +01123123123
 Contact11  +01123123123  Contact21  +01123123123  Contact31  +01123123123         Contact11  +01123123123  Contact21  +01123123123  Contact31  +01123123123
 Contact12  +01123123123  Contact22  +01123123123  Contact32  +01123123123         Contact12  +01123123123  Contact22  +01123123123  Contact32  +01123123123
 Contact13  +01123123123  Contact23  +01123123123  Contact33  +01123123123         Contact13  +01123123123  Contact23  +01123123123  Contact33  +01123123123
 Contact14  +01123123123  Contact24  +01123123123  Contact34  +01123123123         Contact14  +01123123123  Contact24  +01123123123  Contact34  +01123123123
 Contact15  +01123123123  Contact25  +01123123123  Contact35  +01123123123         Contact15  +01123123123  Contact25  +01123123123  Contact35  +01123123123
 Contact16  +01123123123  Contact26  +01123123123  Contact36  +01123123123         Contact16  +01123123123  Contact26  +01123123123  Contact36  +01123123123
 Contact17  +01123123123  Contact27  +01123123123  Contact37  +01123123123         Contact17  +01123123123  Contact27  +01123123123  Contact37  +01123123123
 Contact18  +01123123123  Contact28  +01123123123  Contact38  +01123123123         Contact18  +01123123123  Contact28  +01123123123  Contact38  +01123123123
 Contact19  +01123123123  Contact29  +01123123123  Contact39  +01123123123         Contact19  +01123123123  Contact29  +01123123123  Contact39  +01123123123
Simple Gantt Diagram
Using a text editor with column mode support like vim, UltraEdit, Eclipse, Visual Studio Code, ...

Planning     01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08 09 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 ...
BºTask1      oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo ooº           Rº│º
             Some note here                                                  │            Rº│º Super─Cool
GºTask2                  oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo oo ooº                      │            Rº│º  Dead─line
                                                                             │            Rº│º          
  GºTask2.1                       oo oo oo oo ooº                            │            Rº│º 
                                  Just another note there                    │            Rº│º
                                                 ┌────── bla bla blah...─────┘            Rº│º              Bº│º
                                                 v                                        Rº│º              Bº│º Super─Cool
QºTask3                                          xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xx xxº     Rº│º              Bº│º Random-line
                                                     \                     /              Rº│º              Bº│º          
  YºTask3.1                                            oo oo oo oo oo oo ooº              Rº│º              Bº│º 
...                                                                                       Rº│º              Bº│º
taskX
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
        -- Ernest Hemingway    Meeting 2020-01-20
Kanban Board
Testing
user_story 00
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
user_story 01
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
DONE
user_story 03
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet
user_story 04
Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet

2020 Pool of Tasks
taskX
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:    None.  The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
    of the way.
taskX
Q:    How do you stop an elephant from charging?
A:    Take away his credit cards.
taskX
Excellent time to become a missing person.
taskX
You will have good luck and overcome many hardships.
taskX
Someone whom you reject today, will reject you tomorrow.
taskX
Q:    How can you tell when a Burroughs salesman is lying?
A:    When his lips move.
taskX
You are confused; but this is your normal state.
taskX
Your ignorance cramps my conversation.
taskX
Q:    Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:    He was giving it last rites.
taskX
You will wish you hadn't.
taskX
Q:    How did you get into artificial intelligence?
A:    Seemed logical -- I didn't have any real intelligence.
taskX
Q:    Know what the difference between your latest project
    and putting wings on an elephant is?
A:    Who knows?  The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
taskX
You will live a long, healthy, happy life and make bags of money.
taskX
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
        -- Ernest Hemingway
taskX
In the first place, God made idiots; this was for practice; then he made
school boards.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    What's the difference betweeen USL and the Graf Zeppelin?
A:    The Graf Zeppelin represented cutting edge technology for its time.
taskX
You will be successful in love.
taskX
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
        -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
taskX
    The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
    A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
Turning the curve he waved his hand.  A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
out on the water, round.  Usurper.
        -- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
taskX
You will remember something that you should not have forgotten.
taskX
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You need no longer worry about the future.  This time tomorrow you'll be dead.
taskX
It is right that he too should have his little chronicle, his memories,
his reason, and be able to recognize the good in the bad, the bad in the
worst, and so grow gently old all down the unchanging days and die one
day like any other day, only shorter.
        -- Samuel Beckett, "Malone Dies"
taskX
Your best consolation is the hope that the things you failed to get weren't
really worth having.
taskX
Seeing that death, a necessary end,
Will come when it will come.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
taskX
Your business will assume vast proportions.
taskX
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
        -- Shakespeare
taskX
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
taskX
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
taskX
Caution: Keep out of reach of children.
taskX
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
taskX
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
A few hours grace before the madness begins again.
taskX
Perfect day for scrubbing the floor and other exciting things.
taskX
The Least Successful Collector
    Betsy Baker played a central role in the history of collecting.  She
was employed as a servant in the house of John Warburton (1682-1759) who had
amassed a fine collection of 58 first edition plays, including most of the
works of Shakespeare.
    One day Warburton returned home to find 55 of them charred beyond
legibility.  Betsy had either burned them or used them as pie bottoms.  The
remaining three folios are now in the British Museum.
    The only comparable literary figure was the maid who in 1835 burned
the manuscript of the first volume of Thomas Carlyle's "The Hisory of the
French Revolution", thinking it was wastepaper.
        -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
taskX
Q:    Where's the Lone Ranger take his garbage?
A:    To the dump, to the dump, to the dump dump dump!

Q:    What's the Pink Panther say when he steps on an ant hill?
A:    Dead ant, dead ant, dead ant dead ant dead ant...
taskX
Try to value useful qualities in one who loves you.
taskX
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
taskX
You have literary talent that you should take pains to develop.
taskX
Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed
down-stairs a step at a time.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar
taskX
Love is in the offing.  Be affectionate to one who adores you.
taskX
Advancement in position.
taskX
Are you making all this up as you go along?
taskX
Excellent time to become a missing person.
taskX
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
taskX
You're currently going through a difficult transition period called "Life."
taskX
You have Egyptian flu: you're going to be a mummy.
taskX
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel.  And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
        -- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"

    [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
     referring to powerfail recovery.]
taskX
You don't become a failure until you're satisfied with being one.
taskX
The lovely woman-child Kaa was mercilessly chained to the cruel post of
the warrior-chief Beast, with his barbarian tribe now stacking wood at
her nubile feet, when the strong clear voice of the poetic and heroic
Handsomas roared, 'Flick your Bic, crisp that chick, and you'll feel my
steel through your last meal!'
        -- Winning sentence, 1984 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
taskX
Q:    How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:    Three.  One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those
    Californians trying to share the experience.
taskX
You dialed 5483.
taskX
No group of professionals meets except to conspire against the public at large.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee.  Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest.  That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations.  Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home.  Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down.  Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them.  Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed
on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms.  O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
        -- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
taskX
When in doubt, tell the truth.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    Why did Menachem Begin invade Lebanon?
A:    To impress Jodie Foster.
taskX
Fine day to work off excess energy.  Steal something heavy.
taskX
Q:    How many Oregonians does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:    Three.  One to screw in the light bulb and two to fend off all those
    Californians trying to share the experience.
taskX
There is always one thing to remember: writers are always selling somebody out.
        -- Joan Didion, "Slouching Towards Bethlehem"
taskX
A visit to a fresh place will bring strange work.
taskX
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
taskX
You are wise, witty, and wonderful, but you spend too much time reading
this sort of trash.
taskX
Q:    How do you save a drowning lawyer?
A:    Throw him a rock.
taskX
He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
        -- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"
taskX
You're at the end of the road again.
taskX
You are scrupulously honest, frank, and straightforward.  Therefore you
have few friends.
taskX
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
taskX
How apt the poor are to be proud.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Twelfth-Night"
taskX
You two ought to be more careful--your love could drag on for years and years.
taskX
Delores breezed along the surface of her life like a flat stone forever
skipping along smooth water, rippling reality sporadically but oblivious
to it consistently, until she finally lost momentum, sank, and due to an
overdose of flouride as a child which caused her to suffer from chronic
apathy, doomed herself to lie forever on the floor of her life as useless
as an appendix and as lonely as a five-hundred pound barbell in a
steroid-free fitness center.
        -- Winning sentence, 1990 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
taskX
Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Everything will be just tickety-boo today.
taskX
Q:    Why did the astrophysicist order three hamburgers?
A:    Because he was hungry.
taskX
Q:    Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:    To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
taskX
The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that
will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Fortune: You will be attacked next Wednesday at 3:15 p.m. by six samurai
sword wielding purple fish glued to Harley-Davidson motorcycles.

Oh, and have a nice day!
        -- Bryce Nesbitt '84
taskX
You are sick, twisted and perverted.  I like that in a person.
taskX
The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the
difference between lightning and the lightning bug.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You have an ability to sense and know higher truth.
taskX
You are number 6!  Who is number one?
taskX
April 1

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
taskX
Your depth of comprehension may tend to make you lax in worldly ways.
taskX
An exotic journey in downtown Newark is in your future.
taskX
Q:    Who cuts the grass on Walton's Mountain?
A:    Lawn Boy.
taskX
You will experience a strong urge to do good; but it will pass.
taskX
You look tired.
taskX
Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!".
        -- Shakespeare
taskX
Too much is just enough.
        -- Mark Twain, on whiskey
taskX
I got a hint of things to come when I overheard my boss lamenting, 'The
books are done and we still don't have an author! I must sign someone
today!
        -- Tamim Ansary, "Edutopia Magazine, Issue 2, November 2004"
           on the topic of school textbooks
taskX
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
taskX
If you laid all of our laws end to end, there would be no end.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    What is the difference between a duck?
A:    One leg is both the same.
taskX
The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what
you don't like, and do what you'd rather not.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.  Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to.  Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Slow day.  Practice crawling.
taskX
Your aims are high, and you are capable of much.
taskX
You are so boring that when I see you my feet go to sleep.
taskX
Be free and open and breezy!  Enjoy!  Things won't get any better so
get used to it.
taskX
    A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?"  Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
taskX
An honest tale speeds best being plainly told.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
taskX
Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday.
taskX
The Bulwer-Lytton fiction contest is held ever year at San Jose State
Univ.  by Professor Scott Rice.  It is held in memory of Edward George
Earle Bulwer-Lytton (1803-1873), a rather prolific and popular (in his
time) novelist.  He is best known today for having written "The Last
Days of Pompeii."

Whenever Snoopy starts typing his novel from the top of his doghouse,
beginning "It was a dark and stormy night..." he is borrowing from Lord
Bulwer-Lytton.  This was the line that opened his novel, "Paul Clifford,"
written in 1830.  The full line reveals why it is so bad:

    It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents -- except
    at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent gust of
    wind which swept up the streets (for it is in London that our scene
    lies), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty
    flame of the lamps that struggled against the darkness.
taskX
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #15
A:    The Royal Canadian Mounted Police.
Q:    What was the greatest achievement in taxidermy?
taskX
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Go to a movie tonight.  Darkness becomes you.
taskX
Your heart is pure, and your mind clear, and your soul devout.
taskX
Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
taskX
Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
taskX
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
taskX
I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a
week sometimes to make it up.
        -- Mark Twain, "The Innocents Abroad"
taskX
Bank error in your favor.  Collect $200.
taskX
What good is an obscenity trial except to popularize literature?
        -- Nero Wolfe, "The League of Frightened Men"
taskX
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
taskX
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
You'll never see all the places, or read all the books, but fortunately,
they're not all recommended.
taskX
Beware of a tall black man with one blond shoe.
taskX
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
taskX
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
        -- Ernest Hemingway    Meeting 2020-01-20
taskX
The naked truth of it is, I have no shirt.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
taskX
    A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?"  Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
taskX
"Elves and Dragons!" I says to him.  "Cabbages and potatoes are better
for you and me."
        -- J. R. R. Tolkien
taskX
"Speak, thou vast and venerable head," muttered Ahab, "which, though
ungarnished with a beard, yet here and there lookest hoary with mosses; speak,
mighty head, and tell us the secret thing that is in thee.  Of all divers,
thou has dived the deepest.  That head upon which the upper sun now gleams has
moved amid the world's foundations.  Where unrecorded names and navies rust,
and untold hopes and anchors rot; where in her murderous hold this frigate
earth is ballasted with bones of millions of the drowned; there, in that awful
water-land, there was thy most familiar home.  Thou hast been where bell or
diver never went; has slept by many a sailer's side, where sleepless mothers
would give their lives to lay them down.  Thou saw'st the locked lovers when
leaping from their flaming ship; heart to heart they sank beneath the exulting
wave; true to each other, when heaven seemed false to them.  Thou saw'st the
murdered mate when tossed by pirates from the midnight deck; for hours he fell
into the deeper midnight of the insatiate maw; and his murderers still sailed
on unharmed -- while swift lightnings shivered the neighboring ship that would
have borne a righteous husband to outstretched, longing arms.  O head! thou has
seen enough to split the planets and make an infidel of Abraham, and not one
syllable is thine!"
        -- H. Melville, "Moby Dick"
taskX
You will be surrounded by luxury.
taskX
The bay-trees in our country are all wither'd
And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven;
The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth
And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change.
These signs forerun the death or fall of kings.
        -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II"
taskX
You may get an opportunity for advancement today.  Watch it!
taskX
The difference between a Miracle and a Fact is exactly the difference
between a mermaid and a seal.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You are number 6!  Who is number one?
taskX
Are you sure the back door is locked?
taskX
Don't look back, the lemmings are gaining on you.
taskX
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
In a museum in Havana, there are two skulls of Christopher Columbus,
"one when he was a boy and one when he was a man."
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    What is printed on the bottom of beer bottles in Minnesota?
A:    Open other end.
taskX
The surest protection against temptation is cowardice.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You will inherit some money or a small piece of land.
taskX
You have the body of a 19 year old.  Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
taskX
Let us endeavor so to live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be
sorry.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
But, for my own part, it was Greek to me.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
taskX
October 12, the Discovery.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
2021 Pool of Tasks
taskX
Try to get all of your posthumous medals in advance.
taskX
Q:    Do you know what the death rate around here is?
A:    One per person.
taskX
Your lucky number has been disconnected.
taskX
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution.  Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil,
you will say that she did it with her teeth.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Do something unusual today.  Pay a bill.
taskX
Even the clearest and most perfect circumstantial evidence is likely to be at
fault, after all, and therefore ought to be received with great caution.  Take
the case of any pencil, sharpened by any woman; if you have witnesses, you will
find she did it with a knife; but if you take simply the aspect of the pencil,
you will say that she did it with her teeth.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
You have taken yourself too seriously.
taskX
The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
        -- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
taskX
I dote on his very absence.
        -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
taskX
Q:    How much does it cost to ride the Unibus?
A:    2 bits.
taskX
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
    The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax.  A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
    Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
    Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece.  "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure.  I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
    After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side.  "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said.  "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered.  I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
    Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before.  His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge.  "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right.  Nothing can
be better."
        -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
taskX
Your mode of life will be changed for the better because of new developments.
taskX
You will lose your present job and have to become a door to door mayonnaise
salesman.
taskX
Something's rotten in the state of Denmark.
        -- Shakespeare
taskX
You will be awarded some great honor.
taskX
You may be gone tomorrow, but that doesn't mean that you weren't here today.
taskX
Give him an evasive answer.
taskX
Don't feed the bats tonight.
taskX
You have a strong appeal for members of your own sex.
taskX
The Least Perceptive Literary Critic
    The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax.  A
most individual judge of poetry, he once invited Alexander Pope round to
give a public reading of his latest poem.
    Pope, the leading poet of his day, was greatly surprised when Lord
Halifax stopped him four or five times and said, "I beg your pardon, Mr.
Pope, but there is something in that passage that does not quite please me."
    Pope was rendered speechless, as this fine critic suggested sizeable
and unwise emendations to his latest masterpiece.  "Be so good as to mark
the place and consider at your leisure.  I'm sure you can give it a better
turn."
    After the reading, a good friend of Lord Halifax, a certain Dr.
Garth, took the stunned Pope to one side.  "There is no need to touch the
lines," he said.  "All you need do is leave them just as they are, call on
Lord Halifax two or three months hence, thank him for his kind observation
on those passages, and then read them to him as altered.  I have known him
much longer than you have, and will be answerable for the event."
    Pope took his advice, called on Lord Halifax and read the poem
exactly as it was before.  His unique critical faculties had lost none of
their edge.  "Ay", he commented, "now they are perfectly right.  Nothing can
be better."
        -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures"
taskX
Q:    How many WASPs does it take to change a light bulb?
A:    One.
taskX
A classic is something that everyone wants to have read
and nobody wants to read.
        -- Mark Twain, "The Disappearance of Literature"
taskX
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
taskX
You will always have good luck in your personal affairs.
taskX
If you learn one useless thing every day, in a single year you'll learn
365 useless things.
taskX
What happened last night can happen again.
taskX
The notes blatted skyward as they rose over the Canada geese, feathered
rumps mooning the day, webbed appendages frantically pedaling unseen
bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim,
'Ya wanna eat, ya gotta work,' and at last I knew Pittsburgh.
        -- Winning sentence, 1987 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
taskX
Don't look now, but the man in the moon is laughing at you.
taskX
Good day for a change of scene.  Repaper the bedroom wall.
taskX
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
taskX
Noise proves nothing.  Often a hen who has merely laid an egg cackles
as if she laid an asteroid.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Always do right.  This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You recoil from the crude; you tend naturally toward the exquisite.
taskX
Q:    What do you get when you cross the Godfather with an attorney?
A:    An offer you can't understand.
taskX
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
taskX
Q:    What do you have when you have a lawyer buried up to his neck in sand?
A:    Not enough sand.
taskX
Your talents will be recognized and suitably rewarded.
taskX
You attempt things that you do not even plan because of your extreme stupidity.
taskX
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
taskX
You can rent this space for only $5 a week.
taskX
I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting.  I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
        -- Shakespeare
taskX
Q:    What's a light-year?
A:    One-third less calories than a regular year.
taskX
You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
taskX
English literature's performing flea.
        -- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse
taskX
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
taskX
Q:    "What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic
    existentialist?"
A:    "Is there a dog?"
taskX
If you sow your wild oats, hope for a crop failure.
taskX
Look afar and see the end from the beginning.
taskX
Q:    How many marketing people does it take to change a light bulb?
A:    I'll have to get back to you on that.
taskX
Q:    What's the difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish wake?
A:    One less drunk.
taskX
They have been at a great feast of languages, and stolen the scraps.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Love's Labour's Lost"
taskX
Snow Day -- stay home.
taskX
You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
taskX
Q:    What looks like a cat, flies like a bat, brays like a donkey, and
    plays like a monkey?
A:    Nothing.
taskX
For there are moments when one can neither think nor feel.  And if one can
neither think nor feel, she thought, where is one?
        -- Virginia Woolf, "To the Lighthouse"

    [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
     referring to powerfail recovery.]
taskX
Good day to deal with people in high places; particularly lonely stewardesses.
taskX
You will hear good news from one you thought unfriendly to you.
taskX
Q:    What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A:    You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
taskX
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #13
A:    Doc, Happy, Bashful, Dopey, Sneezy, Sleepy, & Grumpy
Q:    Who were the Democratic presidential candidates?
taskX
O, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practice to deceive.
        -- Sir Walter Scott, "Marmion"
taskX
Snow Day -- stay home.
taskX
Patch griefs with proverbs.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Much Ado About Nothing"
taskX
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
taskX
Q:    What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:    "The elephants are coming over the hill."

Q:    What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
        sunglasses?
A:    Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
taskX
You may be infinitely smaller than some things, but you're infinitely
larger than others.
taskX
You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
taskX
You will be winged by an anti-aircraft battery.
taskX
Q:    What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A:    A canary with the super-user password.
taskX
Q:    How do you catch a unique rabbit?
A:    Unique up on it!

Q:    How do you catch a tame rabbit?
A:    The tame way!
taskX
Artistic ventures highlighted.  Rob a museum.
taskX
"I wonder", he said to himself, "what's in a book while it's closed.  Oh, I
know it's full of letters printed on paper, but all the same, something must
be happening, because as soon as I open it, there's a whole story with people
I don't know yet and all kinds of adventures and battles."
        -- Bastian B. Bux
taskX
Civilization is the limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Never look up when dragons fly overhead.
taskX
Break into jail and claim police brutality.
taskX
You're ugly and your mother dresses you funny.
taskX
A gift of a flower will soon be made to you.
taskX
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Tell the truth or trump--but get the trick.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
You will be held hostage by a radical group.
taskX
Cold hands, no gloves.
taskX
You can do very well in speculation where land or anything to do with dirt
is concerned.
taskX
You prefer the company of the opposite sex, but are well liked by your own.
taskX
Knucklehead:    "Knock, knock"
Pee Wee:    "Who's there?"
Knucklehead:    "Little ol' lady."
Pee Wee:    "Liddle ol' lady who?"
Knucklehead:    "I didn't know you could yodel"
taskX
Don't you wish you had more energy... or less ambition?
taskX
Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's
new lover.
taskX
Q:    What's the difference between a Mac and an Etch-a-Sketch?
A:    You don't have to shake the Mac to clear the screen.
taskX
A visit to a strange place will bring fresh work.
taskX
FORTUNE PROVIDES QUESTIONS FOR THE GREAT ANSWERS: #4
A:    Go west, young man, go west!
Q:    What do wabbits do when they get tiwed of wunning awound?
taskX
Q:    What do you say to a New Yorker with a job?
A:    Big Mac, fries and a Coke, please!
taskX
Your love life will be happy and harmonious.
taskX
At once it struck me what quality went to form a man of achievement,
especially in literature, and which Shakespeare possessed so enormously
-- I mean negative capability, that is, when a man is capable of being
in uncertainties, mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching
after fact and reason.
        -- John Keats
taskX
You'll never be the man your mother was!
taskX
It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion
that makes horse-races.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
The abuse of greatness is when it disjoins remorse from power.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar"
taskX
You will be singled out for promotion in your work.
taskX
Executive ability is prominent in your make-up.
taskX
Q:    What's hard going in and soft and sticky coming out?
A:    Chewing gum.
taskX
October.

This is one of the peculiarly dangerous months to speculate in stocks in.

The others are July, January, September, April, November, May, March, June,
December, August, and February.

        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Be different: conform.
taskX
Don't get stuck in a closet -- wear yourself out.
taskX
You have an ambitious nature and may make a name for yourself.
taskX
Your domestic life may be harmonious.
taskX
Try to have as good a life as you can under the circumstances.
taskX
You're being followed.  Cut out the hanky-panky for a few days.
taskX
Your life would be very empty if you had nothing to regret.
taskX
You will engage in a profitable business activity.
taskX
You're a card which will have to be dealt with.
taskX
Learn to pause -- or nothing worthwhile can catch up to you.
taskX
The holy passion of Friendship is of so sweet and steady and loyal and
enduring a nature that it will last through a whole lifetime, if not asked to
lend money.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Lord, what fools these mortals be!
        -- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer-Night's Dream"
taskX
O, it is excellent
To have a giant's strength; but it is tyrannous
To use it like a giant.
        -- Shakespeare, "Measure for Measure", II, 2
taskX
    A man was reading The Canterbury Tales one Saturday morning, when his
wife asked "What have you got there?"  Replied he, "Just my cup and Chaucer."
taskX
You mentioned your name as if I should recognize it, but beyond the
obvious facts that you are a bachelor, a solicitor, a freemason, and
an asthmatic, I know nothing whatever about you.
        -- Sherlock Holmes, "The Norwood Builder"
taskX
Perilous to all of us are the devices of an art deeper than we ourselves
possess.
        -- Gandalf the Grey [J.R.R. Tolkien, "Lord of the Rings"]
taskX
Make a wish, it might come true.
taskX
All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
taskX
Q:    Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:    He was giving it last rites.
taskX
The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Chicken Little only has to be right once.
taskX
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
taskX
If you stand on your head, you will get footprints in your hair.
taskX
Your boyfriend takes chocolate from strangers.
taskX
This life is yours.  Some of it was given to you; the rest, you made yourself.
taskX
You own a dog, but you can only feed a cat.
taskX
You work very hard.  Don't try to think as well.
taskX
You will feel hungry again in another hour.
taskX
Someone is speaking well of you.
taskX
You are taking yourself far too seriously.
taskX
You are going to have a new love affair.
taskX
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
taskX
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and over again, there is no use
in reading it at all.
        -- Oscar Wilde
taskX
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
taskX
You will be the last person to buy a Chrysler.
taskX
In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of
24 hours.
        -- Mark Twain, on New England weather
taskX
Q:    Why did the chicken cross the road?
A:    He was giving it last rites.
taskX
You will reach the highest possible point in your business or profession.
taskX
You will be advanced socially, without any special effort on your part.
taskX
Q:    How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?
A:    Only one, but it takes a long time, and the light bulb has
    to really want to change.
taskX
You are a fluke of the universe; you have no right to be here.
taskX
You will attract cultured and artistic people to your home.
taskX
Your business will assume vast proportions.
taskX
You have a strong appeal for members of the opposite sex.
taskX
Q:    Why do mountain climbers rope themselves together?
A:    To prevent the sensible ones from going home.
taskX
Nothing so needs reforming as other people's habits.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
People are beginning to notice you.  Try dressing before you leave the house.
2022 Pool of Tasks
taskX
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
October 12, the Discovery.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
        -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
taskX
The countdown had stalled at 'T' minus 69 seconds when Desiree, the first
female ape to go up in space, winked at me slyly and pouted her thick,
rubbery lips unmistakably -- the first of many such advances during what
would prove to be the longest, and most memorable, space voyage of my
career.
        -- Winning sentence, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton bad fiction contest.
taskX
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
taskX
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
        -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
taskX
Always the dullness of the fool is the whetstone of the wits.
        -- William Shakespeare, "As You Like It"
taskX
An avocado-tone refrigerator would look good on your resume.
taskX
Many pages make a thick book.
taskX
Q:    Why did the programmer call his mother long distance?
A:    Because that was her name.
taskX
A long-forgotten loved one will appear soon.

Buy the negatives at any price.
taskX
When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened
or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I
cannot remember any but the things that never happened.  It is sad to
go to pieces like this but we all have to do it.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Steady movement is more important than speed, much of the time.  So long
as there is a regular progression of stimuli to get your mental hooks
into, there is room for lateral movement.  Once this begins, its rate is
a matter of discretion.
        -- Corwin, Prince of Amber
taskX
Cheer Up!  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.
taskX
April 1

This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three
hundred and sixty-four.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
The only people for me are the mad ones -- the ones who are mad to live,
mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time,
the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn
like fabulous yellow Roman candles.
        -- Jack Kerouac, "On the Road"
taskX
Tuesday is the Wednesday of the rest of your life.
taskX
Every cloud engenders not a storm.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
taskX
Many a writer seems to think he is never profound except when he can't
understand his own meaning.
        -- George D. Prentice
taskX
There is no hunting like the hunting of man, and those who have hunted
armed men long enough and liked it, never care for anything else thereafter.
        -- Ernest Hemingway
taskX
Don't hate yourself in the morning -- sleep till noon.
taskX
You will win success in whatever calling you adopt.
taskX
You may my glories and my state dispose,
But not my griefs; still am I king of those.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II"
taskX
Delay not, Caesar.  Read it instantly.
        -- Shakespeare, "Julius Caesar" 3,1

Here is a letter, read it at your leisure.
        -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice" 5,1

    [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when
     referring to I/O system services.]
taskX
Q:    Why should you always serve a Southern Carolina football man
    soup in a plate?
A:    'Cause if you give him a bowl, he'll throw it away.
taskX
Familiarity breeds contempt -- and children.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming over the hill?
A:    "The elephants are coming over the hill."

Q:    What did he say when saw them coming over the hill wearing
        sunglasses?
A:    Nothing, for he didn't recognize them.
taskX
Q:    How many gradual (sorry, that's supposed to be "graduate") students
    does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:    "I'm afraid we don't know, but make my stipend tax-free, give my
    advisor a $30,000 grant of the taxpayer's money, and I'm sure he
    can tell me how to do the gruntwork for him so he can take the
    credit for answering this incredibly vital question."
taskX
All things that are, are with more spirit chased than enjoyed.
        -- Shakespeare, "Merchant of Venice"
taskX
You like to form new friendships and make new acquaintances.
taskX
Q:    Know what the difference between your latest project
    and putting wings on an elephant is?
A:    Who knows?  The elephant *might* fly, heh, heh...
taskX
Condense soup, not books!
taskX
Q:    How many Zen masters does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:    None.  The Universe spins the bulb, and the Zen master stays out
    of the way.
taskX
You will be run over by a bus.
taskX
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you.
This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
You single-handedly fought your way into this hopeless mess.
taskX
Q:    What's tiny and yellow and very, very, dangerous?
A:    A canary with the super-user password.
taskX
You have a deep interest in all that is artistic.
taskX
Excellent day to have a rotten day.
taskX
Q:    Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
A:    He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
taskX
Future looks spotty.  You will spill soup in late evening.
taskX
Whoever has lived long enough to find out what life is, knows how deep a debt
of gratitude we owe to Adam, the first great benefactor of our race.  He
brought death into the world.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Q:    Why did the WASP cross the road?
A:    To get to the middle.
taskX
What I tell you three times is true.
        -- Lewis Carroll
taskX
Day of inquiry.  You will be subpoenaed.
taskX
You too can wear a nose mitten.
taskX
You will be recognized and honored as a community leader.
taskX
Someone is speaking well of you.
taskX
Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Q:    What's yellow, and equivalent to the Axiom of Choice?
A:    Zorn's Lemon.
taskX
Q:    How was Thomas J. Watson buried?
A:    9 edge down.
taskX
Do what comes naturally.  Seethe and fume and throw a tantrum.
taskX
You fill a much-needed gap.
taskX
There will be big changes for you but you will be happy.
taskX
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
taskX
You love peace.
taskX
Big book, big bore.
        -- Callimachus
taskX
Don't look now, but there is a multi-legged creature on your shoulder.
taskX
Avert misunderstanding by calm, poise, and balance.
taskX
A vivid and creative mind characterizes you.
taskX
    My dear People.
    My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks,
and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots.  Also my good
Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End.  Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
        -- J. R. R. Tolkien
taskX
Fame is a vapor; popularity an accident; the only earthly certainty is
oblivion.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
No violence, gentlemen -- no violence, I beg of you!  Consider the furniture!
        -- Sherlock Holmes
taskX
Q:    "What is the burning question on the mind of every dyslexic
    existentialist?"
A:    "Is there a dog?"
taskX
You are farsighted, a good planner, an ardent lover, and a faithful friend.
taskX
You will pass away very quickly.
taskX
The last thing one knows in constructing a work is what to put first.
        -- Blaise Pascal
taskX
Q:    Why did the lone ranger kill Tonto?
A:    He found out what "kimosabe" really means.
taskX
You will have domestic happiness and faithful friends.
taskX
It usually takes more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Alimony and bribes will engage a large share of your wealth.
taskX
He jests at scars who never felt a wound.
        -- Shakespeare, "Romeo and Juliet, II. 2"
taskX
Your love life will be... interesting.
taskX
You are standing on my toes.
taskX
Truth is the most valuable thing we have -- so let us economize it.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
You will inherit millions of dollars.
taskX
Among the lucky, you are the chosen one.
taskX
You fill a much-needed gap.
taskX
I've touch'd the highest point of all my greatness;
And from that full meridian of my glory
I haste now to my setting.  I shall fall,
Like a bright exhalation in the evening
And no man see me more.
        -- Shakespeare
taskX
Q:    Why do firemen wear red suspenders?
A:    To conform with departmental regulations concerning uniform dress.
taskX
You seek to shield those you love and you like the role of the provider.
taskX
Avoid gunfire in the bathroom tonight.
taskX
Extreme fear can neither fight nor fly.
        -- William Shakespeare, "The Rape of Lucrece"
taskX
You have many friends and very few living enemies.
taskX
In India, "cold weather" is merely a conventional phrase and has come into
use through the necessity of having some way to distinguish between weather
which will melt a brass door-knob and weather which will only make it mushy.
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
Is that really YOU that is reading this?
taskX
Give thought to your reputation.  Consider changing name and moving to
a new town.
taskX
You have taken yourself too seriously.
taskX
Your motives for doing whatever good deed you may have in mind will be
misinterpreted by somebody.
taskX
The smallest worm will turn being trodden on.
        -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI"
taskX
There is no character, howsoever good and fine, but it can be destroyed by
ridicule, howsoever poor and witless.  Observe the ass, for instance: his
character is about perfect, he is the choicest spirit among all the humbler
animals, yet see what ridicule has brought him to.  Instead of feeling
complimented when we are called an ass, we are left in doubt.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
The Public is merely a multiplied "me."
        -- Mark Twain
taskX
    The Priest's grey nimbus in a niche where he dressed discreetly.
I will not sleep here tonight. Home also I cannot go.
    A voice, sweetened and sustained, called to him from the sea.
Turning the curve he waved his hand.  A sleek brown head, a seal's, far
out on the water, round.  Usurper.
        -- James Joyce, "Ulysses"
taskX
Gratitude and treachery are merely the two extremities of the same procession.
You have seen all of it that is worth staying for when the band and the gaudy
officials have gone by.
        -- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"
taskX
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
taskX
You fill a much-needed gap.
taskX
You will soon forget this.
taskX
If two people love each other, there can be no happy end to it.
        -- Ernest Hemingway
taskX
    My dear People.
    My dear Bagginses and Boffins, and my dear Tooks and Brandybucks,
and Grubbs, and Chubbs, and Burrowses, and Hornblowers, and Bolgers,
Bracegirdles, Goodbodies, Brockhouses and Proudfoots.  Also my good
Sackville Bagginses that I welcome back at last to Bag End.  Today is my
one hundred and eleventh birthday: I am eleventy-one today!"
        -- J. R. R. Tolkien
taskX
 To live without philosophizing is in truth the same as keeping the 
eyes closed without attempting to open them.
        -- Rene Descartes 
taskX
The reading of all good books is indeed like a conversation with the 
noblest men of past centuries who were the authors of them, nay a 
carefully studied conversation, in which they reveal to us none but 
the best of their thoughts.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
But in my opinion, all things in nature occur mathematically.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
So far, I have been a spectator in this theater which is the world, 
but I am now about to mount the stage, and I come forward masked.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
It is best not to go on for great quest for truth, it will only make 
you miserable
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
Travelling is almost like talking with those of other centuries.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
Give me extension and motion and I will construct the universe.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
Bad books engender bad habits, but bad habits engender good books.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
Variant: When it is not in our power to follow what is true, we ought 
to follow what is most probable.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
It's the familiar love-hate syndrome of seduction: "I don't really 
care what it is I say, I care only that you like it."
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
Intuitive knowledge is an illumination of the soul, whereby it 
beholds in the light of God those things which it pleases Him to 
reveal to us by a direct impression of divine clearness.
        -- Rene Descartes 
taskX
I have concluded the evident existence of God, and that my existence 
depends entirely on God in all the moments of my life, that I do not 
think that the human spirit may know anything with greater evidence 
and certitude.
        -- Rene Descartes
taskX
To be or not to be.  -- Shakespeare
To do is to be.      -- Nietzsche
To be is to do.      -- Sartre
Do be do be do.      -- Sinatra